What am I feeling???

Today I woke up and was filled with emotions. I’m praying that I’m not pregnant with baby #3 and that this is just a phase I’m going through. Being a SAHM is hard!!! If there was a pie chart of all the roles I played, this would be how it might look like:

60% Maid
30% Chef
9% Mom
1% Me

I can’t help but feel … lost. Not myself. Who am I? It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten. I don’t have hobbies anymore. I don’t have time anymore. When we became parents, my whole life changed and my husband’s stayed the same. I want to devote my life to my kids now but, what happens when they grow up and leave? What happens to me? All these questions and uncertainties have been plaguing me lately and I’ve been exhausted thinking about it all. Something needs to change and I can’t turn to my husband to help me. He will never understand where I’m coming from so how can he help me? It seems I must help myself first before I can help anyone. So here are my resolutions for the new year…
1. Help myself first. Put myself first. Some of you may read this and think that I’m being selfish because I have two little ones but this goes way deeper than that. Seriously, how can I be present in the now when I’m constantly “gone”. I need to focus on me and my personal goals before I can be 100% wife and mother.
2. Be in the “now”. The Internet will be there but my kids won’t stop growing. I need to put aside the social media and focus more on my kids. They’re only little once and they grow so fast.
3. Get a part time job. Yes! It’s time I play in the big sandbox again. This will be good for my sanity and my wallet.
4. Go to church. I need God in my life more than ever now.
5. Improve on my time management. Go to sleep earlier. Wake up earlier. Be happy.

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