Failing. Falling. Feeling like a Mom.

People kept telling me that things would get better and I didn’t believe them. Well, it was hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel in those moments where both of my kids were crying their heads off for me to hold them, I hadn’t taken a bath for days because I had no time, nursing a baby all the time seemed like it was getting out of hand, and because of my time with them all day long they just wanted me all the time. I had no relief once my husband got home because he had a big project to work on. I felt bad because he would come home, eat, then play with the kids for an hour and then have to work till sometimes two in the morning. He probably felt like a chicken with it’s head cut off too. Although, he seemed more put together than I did. Being a SAHM was a 24/7 job and the sad part is that no one really appreciates this other than other SAHM’s!
Yes, I am glad that I get to spend time with my babies and I never miss out on a milestone but, I miss … ME! I miss taking care of myself. It’s hard to take care of myself with having two babies. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like if I had twins. Yes, at least I know my kids are well taken care of but, some days I just wanna ship them off the the daycare and have someone else deal with their tempers and their cries and their dirty diapers! Yes, I know my babies are well nourished because I breastfeed them but, I miss having a drink or two and not have to worry about pumping-and-dumping. I had it good for 9 years with it just being the two of us and then… it all changed. Yes, I would not change it for the universe, but in those moments where I feel like a failure to my children, I just want it to be me that I’m a failure to. My children are too great to fail for.

 

mamasuesig

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